11-7-19
This is postpartum.
Today’s my wedding anniversary. I’m not able to even go to a mediocre restaurant to celebrate. I’ve went out a few times in the past week and ended up paying for it so I’m done with that.
Currently I’m 2 1/2 weeks out. I thought I would at least be walking around and doing for myself at this point. I mean, I can do things on my own but my gosh is it painful. I’m in pain constantly. I would take labor over this. At least I got a break during labor in between contractions. This is constant bone pain in my pubic bone, and pain from the tears I had from where they took him out from me with forceps. I also had pushed for 5 hours and he was sitting on my pubic bone that entire time. I’m sure I also used every muscle and bone in my body during my natural labor as well. That last hour and a half I had an epidural was heaven. I wish I had one now. I have to take magnesium to make sure I don’t get backed up bc pressure from crap sitting in my colon also causes me more pain. But I have to be careful bc too much Mag and I will crap myself bc I have NO MUSCEL CONTROL down there. Baby is perfect and nurses so well, I’m so grateful bc if he wasn’t so good I’m sure I would be in a depressed state. Also I have a great support system from my parents and husband. Its no wonder we have such high rates of PPD. I know there has to be so many women who DON’T have support and who are suffering. I can’t even imagine doing this alone or having another kid to take care of on top of recovery.
I’m past the point of ice packs helping and tucks pads are pointless. I take Epsom salt baths daily and use dermaplast frequently with little relief. They gave me a weeks worth of Tylenol 3 after I called my midwife in tears after the first week. That helped but I’m off it now and only on OTC Tylenol and Ibuprofen. I sit on a heating pad that I’ve thrown over my boppy that I’ve used as a donut to take pressure off my lady parts when I’m sitting. I sleep in a recliner most nights. I find it ironic that I was so prepared for labor bc I thought that would be the hardest part. It wasn’t for me. Honestly even though I had to have a forceps delivery the rest was a cake walk compared to the aftermath. The 4th trimester. Not enough people talk about this and I’m not sure why! I pee on myself DAILY and that’s the easiest part of my day. I barely bled at all. I didn’t need Depends for all the blood, no, I needed the Depends for what they were meant for. Pee and poop. I wish I could remember what it was like to not have constant pain. Hormones definitely don’t help this situation. I’d like to add, I’m no wuss. I had natural labor and pushed for almost 5 hours of that without any pain meds. So understand when I say I’m hurting that it’s not a mild pain. I’m not writing this to scare anyone or to get sympathy, I’m writing it to hopefully warn a new mom of what could potentially be her postpartum situation. Even as an L&D nurse, I had no idea this would/could be harder than labor. I know there are many women who had great recovery and bounced back like it was nothing. But I am not that story unfortunately, and I hope to God you get the easy recovery. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.
**addendum – after writing this I went in to see my midwife. She had a look and said everything looks great and is healing nicely. Sulcus tears are slow healing apparently. But they also are sending me to a specialist at Vandy since I’m also having bone pain.
Ugh.
Love you, Mean It
Neisha
[ the incontinent new mom ]
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